Making Friends as Adults - special episode live from the Ozarks
Making friends as an adult is hard. While teenagers effortlessly form bonds over shared cafeteria tables, adults need to be more intentional about creating and maintaining connections. Recently, I (Nicole) and my husband Josh traveled to visit Jolene and her husband Jeff in the Ozarks for our very first in-person podcast recording. This was a rare treat that got us thinking about how friendship actually works and why it's worth the extra effort it takes as adults.
It’s So Easy In College
People always say college friendships are special because you're "finding yourself" together. That's partially true, but here's what's really happening: you have unlimited time, shared experiences, and zero real responsibilities. I met Jolene during sorority rush - two young women with completely different goals but endless hours to figure out our friendship.
I was serious about acting, Jolene was focused on her own path, but we kept gravitating toward each other despite our differences. Not because we were destined to be friends, but because we had the luxury of time to let the relationship develop naturally. No kids, no mortgages, no careers demanding 60-hour weeks.
The Adult Friendship Shift
Fast forward to real life: I'm moving to where the acting work takes me, Jolene's balancing a medical sales job and then motherhood. Suddenly, maintaining friendship requires intentional effort instead of accidental proximity. There were periods of less frequent contact. Not from conflict, but from life simply getting busier.
Adult friendship requires more work to maintain, and that’s what makes it so valuable. The friends who stick around aren't the ones who never require effort - they're the ones worth the effort. We've been conditioned to think friendship should be automatic, so when it requires intention, we assume we're doing something wrong.
When Loneliness Strikes
The loneliest I ever felt was actually in college, surrounded by hundreds of people my age. Jolene's most isolated moments came during early motherhood, exhausted and focused on little ones, but missing adult connection. These experiences taught us that being around people doesn't automatically create meaningful connections.
The solution isn't more people. It's deeper connection with the right people. We're often so busy maintaining surface-level relationships that we forget the joy of being genuinely known by another person.
Different friendships serve different purposes at different life stages, and that's actually beautiful. Some are built on shared history, others on current circumstances. The mistake we make is expecting every friendship to fulfill every need forever. College friends might not understand your parenting journey. Parent friends might not get your career ambitions. That's not limitation - that's specialization.
Jolene and I work because we've embraced how our friendship has evolved. We're not trying to recreate our college dynamic - we're appreciating what we have now, which is actually richer because of everything we've experienced.
Adult friendship requires something that's actually a strength: intentional investment. You get to choose who deserves your energy, make deliberate plans, and build relationships based on mutual respect rather than just convenience. When someone prioritizes your friendship despite having countless other obligations, that means something profound.
The payoff is relationships built on choice rather than circumstance. These friendships often run deeper because they're maintained through a genuine desire to connect, not just shared proximity.
Social media can supplement real friendship, but it can't replace it. We mistake following someone's updates for actual relationship maintenance, but real connection happens in conversations that go beyond "how are the kids?" It's about being present when someone needs you, celebrating their wins, and showing up consistently over time.
Recording by the lake in the Ozarks with Jolene, our husbands Jeff and Josh joining us for parts of the conversation, I realized something beautiful: this friendship has thrived because we've never tried to force it into a perfect box. We've let it be real, sometimes inconsistent, and always genuine. We've accepted that life gets busy, and that's part of the journey.
The friendships that last aren't the ones that never face challenges - they're the ones where both people decide the connection is worth navigating those challenges together. Not because it's always easy, but because the reward of deep, authentic friendship makes the effort worthwhile.
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[00:00:00] Nicole: She's a conservative and I'm liberal, and yet we've been friends for almost 40 years. Everyone says you shouldn't discuss politics, religion, or money, and we think that's exactly what friends should be talking about. Join us as we tackle the conversations you're having in your head, but are too afraid to say out loud.
[00:00:19] Nicole: Welcome to, we've got to Talk.
[00:00:22] Jolene: Welcome to my house in Person.
[00:00:25] Nicole: I'm so glad you guys are here. I'm so happy we're here. We've
[00:00:28] Jolene: had the best weekend so far. Oh my gosh.
[00:00:30] Jolene: what's been the highlight so far?
[00:00:33] Nicole: I mean, honestly, it's all been pretty amazing. went on the boat, we listened to some country music. there was no American flag. Ah,
[00:00:42] Jolene: totally screwed that up. But, um, because I said if you're coming to the Ozark. You're gonna, we're gonna be on a boat.
[00:00:49] Nicole: Mm-hmm.
[00:00:50] Jolene: I mean, that's what conservatives do. We have a boat. We've got country music.
[00:00:53] Jolene: We're gonna drink a beer and we're gonna have American flag on that boat. Mm-hmm. We had everything but the dang American flag.
[00:00:58] Nicole: We did listen to more [00:01:00] hip hop than we did country and yacht rock. Yacht rock. We were drinking some tequila. Oh yeah. That not beer. And this girl, she pours. She pours a big drink. Yep. Whatcha gonna do? And we sort of danced around the lake and Jeff showed us around.
[00:01:16] Nicole: And that was a highlight. That was a highlight, really? Okay. And I, and we came back and they have this unbelievable house on the lake. Oh. With windows everywhere. It's so beautiful. Thank you. This house you've made and she made it, you designed it yourself. Yeah. Yeah. , And I did say at one point I looked at Josh and I said, Hmm.
[00:01:36] Nicole: Do conservatives have more fun? I think, think might have more fun. Um, and I, and I and I, I'm afraid to say that because when we host you, we're, we're hoping we can have No, we have fun. As much fun as possible, but um, we're definitely on vacation ' 'cause we're a little uptight. We don't usually have tequila at five o'clock on a lake, but, .
[00:01:59] Nicole: What has been your, [00:02:00] um, your highlight so far?
[00:02:02] Jolene: Just having the four of us together and it's fun.
[00:02:04] Jolene: We've had meaningful conversations. Mm-hmm. We've had fun conversations. We've had, tell me how you guys buy your meat. I mean, I think there's, I mean, like, there's things that, we take for granted. I mean, running to the store and getting burger to make burgers last night.
[00:02:21] Jolene: Whereas, okay. You guys have a certain place that you go because you want In New York City. In New York City, yeah. That you have, you know, grass fed. We like, we like
[00:02:29] Nicole: the grass fed. Right. And there's a really great butcher in the West Village, Hudson and Charles it's called, and it's on Hudson and Charles And so we will, you know. Take the subway up and carry our bags on the subway and go back. You can't just
[00:02:43] Jolene: run to harder house and no, you can't get your
[00:02:45] Nicole: stakes. No you can't.
[00:02:47] Jolene: No, you can't.
[00:02:48] Jolene: So I think it's fun. It's just been fun to talk about the differences in lifestyles. Mm-hmm. And,
[00:02:53] Nicole: well, you guys, you can get lost in this house. I mean, oh, stop it. It is [00:03:00] ginormous. It's made for lots of grandkids. Yes. Of which we have zero so far. And you can settle down 'cause you're a little young. So are your daughters.
[00:03:08] Jolene: No, that's true. I'm, I'm, yes. And only one is married. Let them have some life. Yes, I completely agree. Um, but I would, yeah, this, I hope, I hope this house is, is in our family for generations. Like this is the lake house that, that's awesome. Grandkids come and mm-hmm. Your grandkids come. Oh.
[00:03:26] Nicole: And we went on a gator for the first time.
[00:03:28] Nicole: That was super exciting. Okay. If you guys don't know what a gator is. Maybe you should explain what a gator is. Um, sometimes it's like a little, it's
[00:03:36] Jolene: called a side by side, but it's a, it's an ATV so it's got really big tires so that you can get down the hills and up the hills and
[00:03:45] Jolene: Obviously goes through all terrains,
[00:03:47] Nicole: But yeah, this is, um, this this is quite a life you have here.
[00:03:51] Jolene: So we wanted to talk about, um, friendship. Mm-hmm. I think it's so good that we're able to, Share our friendship with each other, but also [00:04:00] in a nonpolitical way too. Right. She's liberal. I'm conservative, but, um, obviously we have a, a fantastic friendship.
[00:04:07] Jolene: So anyway, one of the things we wanted to talk about was kind of friendship as adult women and how that's changed. Mm-hmm. We've been friends since college, when I would say that's the, I think for me anyway, that was the first time. That you, you really stepped out outside of your comfort zone because you had, when I was growing up in a small town, you, you had friends that were in your class.
[00:04:33] Jolene: Those were your friends either in your class or then in your neighborhood. And so going to college was the first time that, okay, you, there's a lot of different areas to make friends. Whether it's in your classes or your sorority or your dorm or your, if you're in the band or whatever. So like you, you start to find your group and, and like-minded people.
[00:04:56] Jolene: And I mean really from a political standpoint is that, [00:05:00] do you start to gravitate towards people that are like-minded? Would you say that's true?
[00:05:09] Nicole: I don't know. I had a very different, I mean, I had a very different college experience than you did. Yeah. I think, , I always made friends pretty easily. yes, you, I came up with a cer same group of kids, but we did change schools a bunch just.
[00:05:25] Nicole: Altogether. We had a kindergarten and first grade class or school. We had a second and third grade school. Oh, we had a fourth through sixth grade school, a seventh and eighth grade school, and then a high school. And so as we, it was a certain group of kids, but everything sort of changed. , And then new kids might come in and Yeah.
[00:05:44] Nicole: and I have really good friends that I still have. Mm My best friend Whitney, I've known since I was three years old. You know, I just, if if I click with someone, I keep 'em. Yeah. If anything, yeah, I was just gonna say [00:06:00] like, hoarding freaks me out, but hoarding friends doesn't.
[00:06:04] Nicole: And so if I, if someone's special to me, I, I keep them For me in college, I, I mean, we had such different experiences, like I was so serious. I wanted to be an actor. I wanted to go to acting school, and this was a compromise. And I'd already done a lot of partying before I got to college. So college I wanted to get to work.
[00:06:28] Nicole: And most kids that went to University of Iowa,
[00:06:32] Jolene: they were ready. Partying was, that was their major, that was their major.
[00:06:36] Nicole: And so I felt. Fairly lonely in college.
[00:06:39] Jolene: That's interesting.
[00:06:41] Nicole: And I think you had a lot of friends in college.
[00:06:43] Jolene: Yeah. 'cause it was the, it was the opposite for me. Yeah. Like, I was ready, I was finally on my own.
[00:06:47] Jolene: I had no rules. I had no buddy telling me what time to come home or what to eat or where to go. I mean, you know, it was, it was free. Mm-hmm. And my group changed I think throughout the four years. Mm-hmm.
[00:06:59] Nicole: [00:07:00] Mm-hmm. I mean, you were my first friend. And, and you stayed my friend. Oh. Like we, we rushed together.
[00:07:08] Nicole: Yep. We were same. We were in the same rush group. Same. Yep. And I think we met, we had to go to school two weeks before. Mm-hmm. It started. Yep. And we met the first day. And you were my friend the whole time. Yeah. But we had very different experiences in college. Like I was a theater major doing plays. And you were doing your thing.
[00:07:27] Nicole: It wasn't like we hung out.
[00:07:28] Jolene: I was gonna say, we never ran into each other.
[00:07:31] Nicole: Our lives funny. Were totally separate. It was a big school.
[00:07:33] Jolene: Yeah. Because your theater program, was it isolated? One side of the river isolated. Yeah.
[00:07:38] Nicole: And academics were on the other. Yeah. And we didn't have any academic classes together either.
[00:07:41] Nicole: Right. And you did the sorority thing? Yep. And I pulled out real quick. Yep. Which we know that story already. Yep. That's probably on a podcast episode that, well, it hasn't aired yet, but it will air. Oh yeah. I
[00:07:54] Jolene: think it's the next one.
[00:07:54] Nicole: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:55] Jolene: Um. So you're right. Like even, even when we were in the same city [00:08:00] mm-hmm.
[00:08:00] Jolene: We would have to make a conscientious, conscientious effort. Effort to get mm-hmm. Together. Mm-hmm. We'd go to the kitchen. Yes,
[00:08:07] Nicole: we would. I loved
[00:08:08] Jolene: the kitchen. Um, okay. So then, okay, let's go post college then. Mm-hmm. Um, you take off for New York. Mm-hmm. And
[00:08:17] Nicole: who was your friend group? Well, I went straight into a, an acting program.
[00:08:23] Nicole: It was a two year conservatory and there were. It started with 28 of us, and I think 20 of us maybe graduated. And it was like it was a dream come true. These were people that were absolutely my people and I didn't feel that way in theater school in high school. Wow. Like I felt like an outsider. I had friends from all over and I wasn't like a theater person.
[00:08:49] Nicole: Yeah. And these people, I just completely clicked with. All of a sudden had this Insta family. I think it was hard once I graduated, [00:09:00] and then you're in New York City and you're trying to make it whatever that means, and figure out who are you? Yeah, what do you want? What? Who do you feel safe with? And I made a lot of mistakes in terms of friends.
[00:09:13] Nicole: Yeah. What about you?
[00:09:15] Jolene: So I think after college then it's the people that you work with or, you know, you went on to conservatory, so I mean, there was that, you still had a group, but it was the people that you spent most of your day with. Yeah. So for me it was then working, that was my group of friends.
[00:09:29] Jolene: I, um, in
[00:09:30] Nicole: medical sales.
[00:09:31] Jolene: Yeah. Like those were the people that you hung out with because those are the people that you, you know, that get you and understand, you know, what you're going through and all that. that as you, as you have kids, then it's, for me it's your parents. The parents.
[00:09:45] Jolene: Right, right. It's the parents of the other kids that your kids are hanging out with have. Right. So who were your
[00:09:52] Nicole: Oh, who would I hang? Like Yeah, who would I find? I mean, it would be, I'd meet friends at the gym, um, you know, on my [00:10:00] auditions. A lot of other actors. . People that you lived with? I mean, in the, in your buildings or, um, sometimes, sometimes roommates.
[00:10:08] Nicole: 'cause I had roommates Oh yeah. Until I was 32. Oh. 'cause you live in New York and it's expensive. Wow. So I always had, so to get my own apartment,
[00:10:18] Jolene: huge. I remember when you got 32 years old. I remember that. I
[00:10:21] Nicole: remember talking to you on the phone. I remember it so distinctly. It was on Clinton Street on the Lower East side and it was 2003.
[00:10:31] Nicole: And it was 300 square feet and it was mine. I was in heaven. I was like, I've married myself. I went and got my own dishes, like everything. It was so good. And I remember distinctly talking to you on the phone about, I don't know what about, but we, we were sort of reconnecting 'cause life had mm-hmm. Moved on and we never had a falling out, but we didn't, I don't know what [00:11:00] happened.
[00:11:00] Nicole: Exactly.
[00:11:02] Jolene: Oh, I'm sure for me it was. And and I, and I think when you moved a lot, we moved a lot. And I also think that once when you're in sales, I was in medical sales after we graduated and when you're talking all day, the last thing you wanna do is talk at night. And it, I think that was probably a pivotal
[00:11:22] Jolene: time for me it was an effort to stay in contact with people because I was tired of talking or even like being a stay at home mom. I think your circle was, you know, your life and so, you know, it, it's sometimes it's such an effort to, to go out and find friends who you know have Yeah.
[00:11:43] Jolene: That you want to. Talked to and, and, and I just remember being exhausted. You know, I just remember being tired. We had tired little kids. Yeah. And so I, I like to, to talk to somebody was, uh, not, did not appeal to me, like to make an effort. Uh,
[00:11:59] Nicole: do what, what [00:12:00] with all the moving around, was there, not to get dark, but was there a moment?
[00:12:06] Nicole: 'cause I feel like we all can be lonely and. And sometimes the, the society we live in, it looks like people have such pretty pictures. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that's like a lot of smoke and mirrors. Yeah. Was there a time in your life that you really wished you had a good friend that, or you felt lonely or you felt disconnected?
[00:12:29] Jolene: I think when you have kids. That are always hanging on you and needing you and all that. Like, I don't think you feel lonely because you've got these little people who are, you know, in constant need of your attention.
[00:12:42] Jolene: So to feel lo I don't know that I've ever felt lonely. have you, did you?
[00:12:48] Nicole: Um, yeah.
[00:12:51] Jolene: You did.
[00:12:51] Nicole: Oh, for sure. I think. I, I think the older I've gotten, the more I'm in touch [00:13:00] with the lonely part in me. Hmm. I've always thought it was sort of a sign of weakness and I've realized no, it's actually part of life.
[00:13:10] Nicole: and different than being alone. Those, those sort of tender moments where. You forget that we're all connected. I mean, it's rampant in society too. Loneliness. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, I'm alone a lot. I always have been and I like my own company. Um, but Lonely. Lonely, yeah. I think honestly, my loneliest time was probably in college.
[00:13:37] Nicole: Really? Yeah. Because Wow. Um. I had you, but I didn't hang out with you all the time. And my boyfriend was at a different school. I had that pretty traumatic event happen at the very beginning of college and, and because of that made a choice to not drink, which [00:14:00] isolated me in that culture. Yeah. And it was sort of, you know, I was a San Francisco girl going to Iowa.
[00:14:05] Nicole: Yeah. and. it could be quite lonely. because my experience was so different. I think that was my loneliest time.
[00:14:12] Jolene: Isn't that so funny? Because I, but I
[00:14:13] Nicole: didn't have children, like I didn't have Yeah. I have a stepson who's 10 and who needed me. Yeah. Who's now 22 and sometimes still, still needs you.
[00:14:23] Nicole: Uh, but, but I didn't have that, constant, I hear it from all my friends that are parents that. it makes sense. Yeah. There's this, this
[00:14:31] Jolene: need. you are such an insightful person. Like you think about, like you're, what you've just said about, okay, this, this, you know, this human nature and it's a societal thing and all that.
[00:14:42] Jolene: Hell, I don't think I've ever thought about that. Really. No. I mean, and so I, you are just a very deep. Insightful person and I'm like, ah, I had three kids. Eh? I was busy. Yeah, I mean like you, there's nothing you can do about it. So you just move on. I mean, you just like, I don't think I've ever [00:15:00] like thought about it in terms of what is best for Jolene.
[00:15:04] Jolene: No, I think, I mean honestly, really? Uh, yeah, totally. No, I think you just do. What you're supposed to do. And I mean, if life is throwing you these circumstances, you're like, well, okay, that happened. So how do I fix it? Or how do I make that better? Or what do I do with it? but I'm not a deep person.
[00:15:22] Jolene: We've had this conversation. I don't get offended. I don't, I don't think, I don't think about things apparently. Right, but you do, but you do.
[00:15:29] Nicole: Oh, probably. You're very thoughtful. I mean, one thing that I am think is. Great. About this podcast, if I can toot our horn, is that it's highlighting that everyone is so different.
[00:15:43] Nicole: Yeah. And so layered and, and that's, that is why we need to talk.
[00:15:52] Jolene: Yeah. Right.
[00:15:53] Nicole: Yeah. And get curious about each other and 'cause I look at you and go. You don't think about things, [00:16:00] do you know how exhausting it is to be in my head all the time? No,
[00:16:03] Jolene: that's what I'm saying. I, it's
[00:16:04] Nicole: exhausting. Right?
[00:16:06] Jolene: So why is that?
[00:16:07] Jolene: Like how,
[00:16:09] Nicole: well, I think part of it could be genetic and part of it is societal.
[00:16:16] Jolene: And
[00:16:16] Nicole: what, okay. What do you mean societal?
[00:16:18] Nicole: I mean, we could go real deep here and I could say you, this is me just talking. Okay. Okay.
[00:16:25] Jolene: Okay.
[00:16:27] Nicole: But you grew up in a fairly stable home. Mm-hmm. Uh, I mean, I know everyone's got their stuff. Yeah. Right. A hundred percent. There's, there's nothing perfect. There's nothing, nothing but you and Leland. Created a safe space for you to be you in it.
[00:16:45] Nicole: Yeah. And you didn't worry was it gonna fall apart? Was I gonna be left alone? Mm-hmm. Was, I did not grow up that way. Hmm. I love my mom and dad flawed as the day is long. Yeah. Um, trying to figure [00:17:00] it all out and I do think when they got divorced at 10, it was the best thing that happened to our family.
[00:17:06] Nicole: Like, I don't believe that you should stay together if you're unhappy. Yeah. Because you give those children a shot to see something better and to see you taking care of yourself that that relationship doesn't work. Yeah. and oh, you know, maybe does, my parents will be happy again, and I got to see that.
[00:17:28] Nicole: But I think that some of that is pretty destabilizing. I don't know if I, I'm, no, I don't know if I'm rambling or anything. No, but they were, my parents were, it was never safe. It wasn't, they weren't violence abusive or No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. But it just, they weren't the right match. I'm really glad that they were there.
[00:17:43] Nicole: 'cause we, I'm here. Yeah. And my brother's here and that makes me, you know, I'm, I'm thrilled to be here. But
[00:17:47] Jolene: they But your dad found Jackie and that was their Yeah. And they and they did their
[00:17:51] Nicole: own. I don't, yeah. I mean, it, they were happy. Yeah. And, um, but I think. I think there's that. I also, I [00:18:00] mean, I'm just, I'm a sativa.
[00:18:02] Nicole: We all know this Susie. We all know this. And that's what makes me me. That's what makes me tick. I discovered being an actor, even at a little, I was like, oh, this makes sense. It finally feels right. All the feelings that I have, I can put to use. Being an actor, I, I don't feel like a freak.
[00:18:24] Nicole: Yeah. Because I feel everything. Yeah. Big. Yeah. And in that world, I feel safe Here, I feel seen here and that, that's liberation to me. I, because I'm like,
[00:18:42] Jolene: okay. Yeah. Right. Okay. Yeah. I can just do, I can just
[00:18:45] Nicole: do and I can just be,
[00:18:46] Jolene: okay. So I have two observations and I think I just forgot the second one. So let's talk about the first one.
[00:18:51] Jolene: can we take this and say the importance of a two parent household is something that is [00:19:00] inherently important?
[00:19:02] Nicole: No.
[00:19:04] Jolene: Okay.
[00:19:04] Nicole: Why? Because I think if those two parents aren't healthy towards each other, it can do serious damage. True. Okay. And sometimes when. You see a parent say, you know what? I need to take care of myself and, and therefore take care of my child and pull themselves out of that. as a child, you see that parent make choice, self-care, self-preservation. Mm-hmm. and then they usually are happier and maybe they find another partner, maybe they don't. Yeah. But you as a child, see, oh, you have choice, you have advocacy.
[00:19:48] Jolene: Okay, so then should, okay, so maybe I should say it differently.
[00:19:51] Jolene: Is the nuclear family the base of all happiness?
[00:19:57] Nicole: No.
[00:19:59] Jolene: [00:20:00] Okay. I think,
[00:20:00] Nicole: I think you're saying, I mean, are you trying to say it for me to.
[00:20:05] Jolene: No.
[00:20:05] Nicole: What I'm, I'm, I think, because I'm
[00:20:06] Jolene: looking at our two situations mm-hmm. And, and obviously everybody's different and everybody's made up of, but you also, you know, different
[00:20:13] Nicole: circumstances.
[00:20:14] Nicole: You're not to air your dirty laundry, but you had a dad that was not so awesome. Correct? Yes. And then your mom met Leland. Right. And huge.
[00:20:24] Jolene: And so we, we, we talked about this a little bit last night, that, um, my parents were divorced when I was three. and they both remarried. And so I got to see a, a really good, healthy relationship.
[00:20:35] Jolene: Yeah. And a not so healthy relationship. Yeah. And that was, that was good for me to be able to see both of them go, okay, these people are happy and they seem to, you know, they seem to be happy and, and all that. Um, and these people are not. I think it's good to see a healthy relationship because then you base your relationships on that and it doesn't, and, and so maybe it doesn't necessarily have to be, um, I mean, you learn to
[00:20:58] Nicole: communicate in a healthy [00:21:00] relationship.
[00:21:00] Nicole: You as a kid, you get to see it, you experience it.
[00:21:04] Jolene: Okay. Let's go back to friendship then. Yeah. do you have your friends in certain groups?
[00:21:08] Nicole: at my wedding, which it feels so weird that you weren't there. I know. Um, I didn't get into my invite. You didn't? I didn't, I didn't. And I don't, I don't know why I didn't go to yours either. I know, I know, right, right.
[00:21:22] Nicole: So I wasn't invited to yours and I, I don't, yeah, I don't remember why. It doesn't make any sense. Um, but I remember a friend of mine remarking, 'cause we got married in Napa and had tons of friends from New York come and then tons of friends from the Bay Area come. And I had a friend remarking, you have a ton of friends that are coming.
[00:21:46] Nicole: Fours. And so there was a time that it was like a, it was four girlfriends that would hang out together. Yeah. Um, but I have like my closest friends from basically nursery school, they were [00:22:00] not a group, were individuals, a couple friends from high school. You're my friend from college. There's a couple friends I really like that live in New York City.
[00:22:10] Nicole: I just don't see them.
[00:22:11] Jolene: Yeah.
[00:22:11] Nicole: and then my modern day friends who have, I've kept like some of my New York friends I've had for 30 years, some I've had for 20 years. Are
[00:22:19] Jolene: your modern day friends, like, um, neighbors or like friends in Salt Lake? Are they
[00:22:27] Nicole: people that are Oh, my new friends. They're my new friends.
[00:22:30] Nicole: Yeah. The Salt Lake friends. one is a lesbian couple who are our next door neighbors and I adore them. all couples. That's why I said lesbian couple, which seems strange that I said that, but I usually have friends that are separate. But what, thankfully, the friends that we have there, they're partnered and we like both partners.
[00:22:50] Nicole: Yeah. Yeah. And so. It's Mandy and Theresa who are next door neighbors, and we just absolutely adore them. And then we [00:23:00] did a ski clinic several years ago at Alta, and we met Matt and we loved Matt. And then a couple weeks later I went up skiing by myself and I fractured my shoulder and my ski season was over.
[00:23:16] Nicole: But Josh and Matt became really good friends and Matt had a fiance, Lauren, and then we all. Met, but because of my fractured shoulder, I was looking for an acupuncturist, and I reached out to this other next door neighbor of my brothers, and he says, oh, I work with a guy who's married to an acupuncturist, her name, and that was Rachel.
[00:23:41] Nicole: And Rachel and Joe are our new closest friends.
[00:23:45] Jolene: So it's all in, in the, it's
[00:23:47] Nicole: all because of my broken shoulder. Really. Okay.
[00:23:48] Jolene: Uh, okay. Well better
[00:23:50] Nicole: see. Mm-hmm.
[00:23:50] Jolene: Mm-hmm.
[00:23:53] Nicole: What about you? Who are your modern friends?
[00:23:55] Jolene: I have a, I have a group of high school friends. I have a group of college friends, [00:24:00] but I have a couple different groups of college friends, which is kind of weird, like. My age, college friends, and I've got a group that was a couple years older that I hung out with and, you know, do things with.
[00:24:11] Jolene: Now I have you who, you know, was not associated with the sorority. I mean, I've got these, I think, little pockets. and then it was really people who coached with Jeff. I mean, I think it was other wives, because we all understood what we were, you know, we all had the same schedule. We all, you know, had the ups and downs of the season.
[00:24:28] Jolene: I mean, like it was all. Simpatico because everybody was, you know, on the same, dealing with the same stuff. Yeah. So,
[00:24:36] Nicole: yeah.
[00:24:37] Jolene: Um, as
[00:24:37] Nicole: a coach's wife. Yeah. So I think that's probably, but you, which you hinted at, at an an earlier episode. And what does it mean to be a coach's wife? is there an expectation?
[00:24:48] Jolene: I don't know.
[00:24:49] Jolene: I think the younger wives, it's so funny and I'm sure it's this way for. Plumbers or insurance men or, you know, I'm sure it's this way in any [00:25:00] industry coaches say that they've gotta have a good. Stable wife at home to take care of all the things. 'cause they're gone so much.
[00:25:06] Jolene: And so the, you know, wives at home have to be able to either fix things or know who to call to fix things and, you know, take care of emergencies and, you know, do all the things because the guys aren't around. Um. And so I think there's, there's this expectation of a coach's wife to be able to do everything.
[00:25:26] Jolene: And she's gotta be strong and she can't be dependent and she can't be wanting her husband to come home. And, You've gotta be a special person to be a coach's wife. Not to toot my own ho horn, I'm just saying that is a tough job to be married to.
[00:25:38] Jolene: but again, I'm sure that's no different from being some married to somebody who's in the military or may well, maybe the military or you know, doctor because you're doing a lot of stuff alone. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Right. So, um. You know, I, again, I think that goes to choosing your spouse wisely. I think we've seen so much of that lately on my Instagram of, and maybe it's 'cause I'm looking [00:26:00] at wedding stuff all the time for the girls, but choosing your spouse is the most important decision that you'll make because, I mean, that is the person that's gonna be with you forever and ever, hopefully.
[00:26:14] Nicole: I mean,
[00:26:15] Jolene: if it's a good thing. Yeah. Right. Yeah,
[00:26:17] Nicole: true. Yeah.
[00:26:19] Jolene: Speaking of spouses, should we bring 'em out? Should
[00:26:21] Nicole: we bring 'em out?
[00:26:22] Jolene: Yeah. Hi, this is Jeff. Everybody. Here's Jeff. He is. Hi everyone. He is my spouse. Mm-hmm. He's also conservative. Mm-hmm. Aren't you? I am. Okay. Good. Mm-hmm. Josh.
[00:26:38] Nicole: And so this is Josh. Hi Josh. Oh, hi. And he's my husband. Josh. Are you liberal?
[00:26:46] Josh: Uh, who's asking?
[00:26:48] Jolene: The people? The people
[00:26:50] Josh: probably, yeah. Yeah,
[00:26:50] Jolene: yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, guys, what?
[00:26:53] Josh: I am actually on the furthest to the left here.
[00:26:56] Jolene: Oh, wow. On the couch and in life, but yes,
[00:26:58] Jeff: you are
[00:26:59] Josh: indeed. [00:27:00] Yeah, indeed I am. And
[00:27:00] Jolene: you know what? He's furthest to the right. The furthest, right. God, we did not even try to do this on purpose, did we? No, we didn't. We didn't. We didn't. God, you naturally sat on that side and I naturally sat on this side. That's how it works.
[00:27:10] Jolene: Dang. Okay guys. What do you think of Nicole and I doing this podcast?
[00:27:16] Jeff: You mean in general or today In the house. Okay. Um, in general. I think it's great. I think because it is true. It's stuff that's hard to talk about. So you guys are, have just decided to put it out there. Okay.
[00:27:35] Josh: You know, it should be a little harder to talk about.
[00:27:37] Josh: I think Jeff agrees with me on this. Maybe private things about us.
[00:27:43] Jolene: So if, if you watched our last episode or listened to our last episode, which I don't know, was right before we picked them up at the airport, it was of the things that B us most about our husbands and Josh. Was not real happy with [00:28:00] the results of that conversation because there was, um, he felt like that's a personal thing.
[00:28:06] Jolene: And Nicole and I share very personal things.
[00:28:08] Nicole: Yes, we do with all of you.
[00:28:11] Jolene: And Josh felt like that was not fair. So Josh, what would you like to say to our listener and our viewer about things that, what does, what does Nicole do that bugs you?
[00:28:27] Josh: Well, it would be a little be a little hypocritical of me to bring those up right now, wouldn't it?
[00:28:32] Nicole: I,
[00:28:32] Jolene: I don't know. I'm just
[00:28:33] Josh: giving you an opportunity. No, I appreciate that. Um, nothing.
[00:28:37] Nicole: How do you feel about the podcast? I
[00:28:38] Josh: love the podcast. I love the podcast. It's fun, uh, to get to hear Jolene's voice every week, so that's super fun.
[00:28:46] Jolene: Oh,
[00:28:47] Josh: um, sometimes I would like to participate in the conversation a little bit.
[00:28:53] Josh: Oh, really? I have some thoughts that I'd like to share that I just. Say into the ether. Mm-hmm.
[00:28:58] Jolene: Okay.
[00:28:58] Josh: When you guys are, [00:29:00] are doing your thing. But I love it. I love it. Oh,
[00:29:03] Jolene: yay. So you're saying that, um, you're, that I say some things that are wrong that you would like to point out?
[00:29:09] Josh: I did not say that.
[00:29:11] Jolene: Okay, good.
[00:29:12] Jolene: That's what I thought you didn't say, Jeff. Yes. Um. Is your, what is the thing that you love most about me?
[00:29:22] Jeff: How quiet you are and I'm assuming, okay,
[00:29:25] Jolene: good. Thanks. Thank you. I appreciate that.
[00:29:27] Nicole: okay. Should we do it? Would you rather,
[00:29:34] Jolene: oh,
[00:29:34] Nicole: I didn't
[00:29:35] Jolene: even
[00:29:35] Nicole: prepare.
[00:29:35] Jolene: Or would you rather,
[00:29:36] Nicole: okay. Neither did I.
[00:29:38] Jolene: Jeff, do you have a, would you rather,
[00:29:40] Jeff: would you rather, who's
[00:29:42] Jolene: this to?
[00:29:43] Jeff: All of us, the liberals. Oh, okay. Would you rather go to a NASCAR race? Or
[00:29:56] Jeff: jog six miles.[00:30:00]
[00:30:02] Nicole: Oh God, that's a good one. I'd rather go to a NASCAR race.
[00:30:06] Jolene: Oh my gosh.
[00:30:08] Nicole: Yeah. Why? Why not? It fits you. It fits you. I've never been closet nascar. Yeah. Well, no, I'm super into formula. Ow. Like super duper into it. Okay. The Netflix series. I absolutely love it. It totally got me into it. I love the stories. I am super into Formula One, and so I'm like, nascar.
[00:30:28] Nicole: Oh, you'd be in
[00:30:29] Jolene: totally. And Josh would wear that shirt for sure. I'm gonna wear this
[00:30:33] Josh: shirt every day.
[00:30:34] Jolene: Okay.
[00:30:35] Josh: That's my new favorite shirt. How
[00:30:36] Nicole: do you feel? What do you think?
[00:30:37] Josh: Given that I need a knee replacement, I would rather do anything than run six miles.
[00:30:42] Jeff: Okay. Probably wasn't a fair question.
[00:30:45] Josh: You set me up.
[00:30:45] Jeff: Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So,
[00:30:47] Nicole: but
[00:30:47] Josh: I, I'd love to go to NASCAR race.
[00:30:48] Jeff: Yeah.
[00:30:49] Nicole: It'd
[00:30:49] Jeff: be super
[00:30:49] Nicole: fun. Should we all go together? Oh my gosh, that would be fun. All right. Have you been, have you guys been
[00:30:54] Jeff: Oh yeah.
[00:30:55] Jeff: Many. Yeah. Really love nascar. All
[00:30:58] Jolene: right. I mean, we're [00:31:00] Republican, of course. We love nascar. All right. It's true.
[00:31:03] Nicole: Would you rather have Josh and Nicole as your guests every weekend
[00:31:12] Nicole: or or die tomorrow?
[00:31:20] Jolene: Okay.
[00:31:20] Josh: Do you, do you wanna know how you would die? That seems important.
[00:31:24] Jolene: Like what is the manner of death? Yeah.
[00:31:26] Josh: Yeah. Is it like painless and unexpected? Or is it, here's the thing a bad way.
[00:31:30] Nicole: We are already planning our next trip. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Every weekend's extreme. But it, wouldn't it be fun, Jeff, um,
[00:31:39] Jeff: dying?
[00:31:40] Jeff: No,
[00:31:40] Nicole: no, not dying.
[00:31:41] Jeff: Having
[00:31:42] Nicole: us here every weekend. Yes. It
[00:31:43] Jeff: would be great. Really would. Mm-hmm. Every weekend ev I know it's a little much, but
[00:31:47] Jolene: Are you living with us? Are you staying with us every weekend? Because if we could go house hunting and find you a place and like you are here every weekend, but then we can't
[00:31:57] Nicole: have, we can't have coffee looking at [00:32:00] No.
[00:32:00] Nicole: You
[00:32:00] Jolene: could still, yeah, no. You can come over to our house every day.
[00:32:02] Nicole: Yeah.
[00:32:02] Jolene: I mean, at nine it's just like nine o'clock. No, that the coffee's ready. Or in your guys' case, maybe 10 30. Oh, you outed us.
[00:32:12] Nicole: We honestly, I don't know what's in the water here. But we have never slept so well. I know. It's so rough. It's so good.
[00:32:20] Nicole: I think it's, it's the
[00:32:20] Josh: lake effect. There's tequila in the water.
[00:32:23] Jolene: Oh, that is true. That to be that too. That could be what it's,
[00:32:26] Nicole: um, you guys, thank you. Thank you for your friendship. Yes. Thank you for your love. Thank you
[00:32:34] Jolene: for all of it. Thank you for allowing us to live our dream in doing this. Josh, you've been very supportive.
[00:32:41] Jolene: Very
[00:32:42] Nicole: supportive.
[00:32:43] Jolene: As have you in many ways. Mm-hmm. And so we really appreciate you doing that for us. You've been sort of supportive. I have been
[00:32:50] Jeff: really supportive by
[00:32:51] Jolene: staying out of it. Okay. I love that too. That is that. I appreciate that. I appreciate you letting me be me. [00:33:00] Maybe I should put it that way.
[00:33:00] Jolene: Well, thank you. It's not that hard
[00:33:02] Jeff: to,
[00:33:03] Jolene: well, I mean, what's, what's the alternative? I mean, I
[00:33:07] Jeff: don't have any choice. Yeah. No, that's not true.
[00:33:10] Jolene: All right. Thanks you guys. Thanks you guys. Thank you for watching and listening. Find us on all of your areas where you find your podcast. Yes,
[00:33:18] Nicole: YouTube, Spotify, apple, and do us a huge solid.
[00:33:24] Nicole: And press the thumbs up button on YouTube. Subscribe. Subscribe, and like, and like.
[00:33:31] Jolene: Thank you. Thank you.
[00:33:32]
